FYI.. I like to write my blogs as if you and I are in bed having pillow talk :) ...
So I have a wonderful group of amazing guy friends, who have allowed me to ask questions that women like me have of the men species, and believe me, you all are not easy!...After a two glasses of 2017 Opus One ( we will absolutely be diving into the worlds of wine in a future blog so you are up to date on any sexy date!) my friend and I chatted all about tonights mystery...the ever so terrifying C word for many men and women....
..Commitment
Being involved in a new relationship can be one of the happiest, most exciting times of your lives. Getting to know a new partner, spending time together, and discovering the joys of a deep and loving relationship truly makes life worth living; you'll likely remember those days forever, or like some of my own past relationships, try to burn the memories to the ground!
..but I digress
If you struggle with commitment issues, these joyous times are marred by actions that reveal you're unsure of how to handle yourself in the relationship. Half the battle of life is knowing what you are afraid of, the other have, dealing with it. Lets dive into what, after my drunken conversation, we felt were the first sign' of fear of commitment and if you indeed are...
1.The Elusive Phantom: Like a wisp of smoke in the night, the commitment-phobic man is a master of evasion. He thrives in the shadows, always one step ahead, leaving behind a trail of ' . i broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. His heart is a fortress, but how long are you willing to maintain that guard up?? When you date someone, you usually avoid taking the relationship up a notch, whether it's monogamy (agreeing not to date anyone else) or getting engaged. It's just not the right thing to do right now. You inner monologues asks, "why is it such a big deal? ..things are great now. There's no sense trying to fix something that isn't broken".
In reality, you've found yourself at this very place before with some really great partners. You can predict where it's going to go from here.
Hmmm, sound familiar??
2.The Eternal Bachelor: Ah, the eternal bachelor, forever roaming the wild and untouched by the bonds(or shackles) of commitment. He loves his freedom, drifting from one fleeting encounter to the next, never lingering long enough to know what she likes for breakfast!
To you, the idea of settling down is but a distant mirage, forever out of reach. You date more than one person simultaneously and no matter how much you care for one partner, you typically see someone else "on the side."
You don't really know why you do it. You date multiple people even if the first person you're dating thinks the relationship is monogamous. Trust me, you are not alone! According to the Cleveland Clinic, Gamophobia, the fear of commitment, is a true anxiety disorder that has gained momentum and rising since the historical (and laughable) pandemic of the year 2020.
3.Master of Avoiding The Three Famous Little Word: The commitment-phobic man is a master of diversion. He dangles the tantalizing promise of saying..drumroll please..
I Love You...
Ever so weaving a web of excuses and distractions to avoid facing it, your heart may long for it, but your little voices in your head say....STOP! ABORT!
You secretly wonder what it will mean if you reveal how you truly feel but decide it's better if you just don't say a thing. After all, you feel fear when you think of sharing your honest feelings you'll lose power in the relationship if you're "for real."
Sigh, sounds like that one guy in college I dated...no names will be harmed while writing these blogs!
4. The Temptation of Freedom: Picture if you will, my modern day Casanova, who prefers to live together as opposed to getting married. You especially like living with someone who doesn't expect much from you but allows you to just be you. It's nice to have someone around when you get home from work or feel lonely without having to commit to anything else beyond what is for dinner or what concert you going to tomorrow...unburdened by the expectations of tradition.
When the lines of autonomy and commitment are blurred, speaking from personal experience, it takes a very unique woman willing to go on without some sort of boundaries. Don't get me wrong! They do exist and god bless them! It is just an arrangement a woman such as myself, is not fond of, but as always...to each their own!
Last but certainly not least...as there are many more but these were my top five...
5. The Art of Creating Drama to Avoid the Commitment: What about for our modern day Don Juans? For him, commitment is not a conquest but a curse, a tangled web of emotion that threatens to put a halt to his spirits, so he resorts to the art of creating drama, a tango of manipulation and deceit designed to keep love at arm's length. Like David Copperfield, he creates conflicts from thin air, initiating the flames of chaos to distract from the quiet whispers of closeness his mate might have.
In his world, love is a battlefield, and drama is his weapon of choice...by the way, great song.
If you know, you know..
In this chaos, even for an instant, he feels a regained sense of power and control.
Huh, power and control..sounds like a running theme doesn't it?
Now, don't be shy, I won't tell anyone, do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you?..
Well, sorry to break it to you lover, but you very likely have commitment issues.
There is no need to sugar coat it, we tell it how it is around here.
Listen, I am not a therapist; I've played one on some of your favorite adult entertainment sites, but,a licensed therapist, I am not. You are here for entertainment purposes only. You are here because you are interested in the perspective of a woman like me, thoughts from my own little blonde brain, chats, and true life experiences.
In my opinion, one can resolve any commitment issues we might have, if we so choose. Perhaps a solid therapy session, finding a group of like-minded men that can have a heartfelt conversation without judgement, or maybe you're lucky enough to have a solid friend group you can open up to...
However, if there is one thing I would like for you, my handsome gentlemen, is to
embrace the journey, and remember that true love awaits those who dare to be unapologetically themselves...
..and when you find her, cherish her with all your being, for she is the one who sees you,
accepts you, and loves you without reservation....
Until we meet again,
xoxo
Bridgette B.
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