A few years ago, I was having a cocktail waiting for my good friend, trust me, being at a bar is the last place I would go to find a date, but thats for another blog...
The bartender slipped over my favorite, a dirty martini with a twist, gin of course! It wasn't long before out of the corner of my eye I noticed a hesitant figure, brimming with uncertainty, approaching. One of my main points when men ask me any questions about dating is this, IT SUCKS! ITS HARD! It might as well be a job in itself. As a traditional woman with conservative ideals for my own personal homelife, nothing sounds more terrifying then walking across a bar and trying to strike a conversation with a woman that looks high maintence, low maintence, red hair, blonde hair, does not matter. I truly applaud all males!
Anyhow
Back to the story....
His words stumbled, his gestures faltered, revealing a man grappling with the art of communication. With a knowing smile, I allowed him to stumble through his rehearsed lines, each word falling flat as I stared at my drink getting warm...
As he reached for a lifeline , I leaned in, a soft whisper in his ear (not trying to embarrass the poor guy in public)...
"Confidence," I purred, "Confidence is the key, darling. Speak not just with words, but with the conviction of a man who knows his worth. Although you are not my type, I thank you for the flattery of coming over and trying to strike a conversation of literally thin air. The right girl for you will appreciate it as your deserve"...
In walked my friend, i smiled, and left. Well, once I chugged my martini!
Some day's I'll think of that guy and wonder whatever happened? I secretly dream that he found the woman of his dreams, has 2.5 kids, lives in a quaint home with a Golden Retriever, and every so often when he gets a little drunk with is beautiful wife, he retells the story of the blonde girl at the bar who shared some advice....
While some seem to be born with the gift of gab, most of us aren't. I won't toot my own horn but...toot toot. Yours truly can talk herself out of a burning building , but thats because I have no choice lol. It is part of my job! and because I love entertaining I had to learn quickly!
Fortunately, being a great conversationalist is a learnable skill. You can learn to talk with anyone about anything, and do so with a little bit ease.
As an avid Dyrtyblonde Blog reader, you know that this little part of the internet doesn't sugarcoat. We keep in real, we keep it raw, we keep it honest.
Being a great communicator is an important skill. Period.
The ability to share ideas and influence people is invaluable. It's also a great way to learn about various topics and foster strong friendships and create even new relationships!. Imagine the benefits to your social life alone if you were able to master the art of conversation!
As an entertainer who travels the world for stage shows, interviews, expos, award shows, parties, etc I have met quite a few thousands of people and feel that these are the major points that most of the ones that were communicators with me shared. So, I am going to share it with you!
1. Be a good listener. Most people fail to truly listen. Instead, they're merely biding their time until it's their turn to talk again. Pay attention to what the other person is saying. It's obvious to most people if your mind wanders. Learn to be a great listener and you're halfway to becoming a great communicator. When I am speaking to a man, I look at his eyes to make sure he is paying attention...which leads to Tip 2..
2. Focus on maintaining an adequate amount of eye contact. To avoid staring, change your gaze, and focus on different places on the other person's face, but don't be creepy about it. Practice every single time you speak to someone and it will become second nature.
3.Avoid interrupting someone before they've finished speaking. For the love of all that is blonde! and dyrty! This drives me crazy, and shows that you're more interested in speaking than listening. There have been so many times that when i have been interrupted I stop talking. Literally, I just stop. The awkward silence alone becomes extremely....awkward. I have become a master at this....
4. Have an open mind.Learn more, be a better listener, and be more interesting to those around you. No one likes to be judged negatively. Of course that doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything, every idea, etc. The world is beautiful place because of so many different perspectives, opinions, colors, sizes, etc. You my friend, are just trying to get this girls phone number, not marry her. Lets get you to at least first base and then we can eliminate!
5. Be curious. If you want to be interesting to others, be interested in them. Others are more willing to be open and share if they believe you have a genuine interest in them and what they have to say. Ask pertinent questions to show interest and keep the conversation flowing.
This is very useful for those moment when you are stuck. If you were listening, you'll know what questios to ask. It keeps the heat off you for a second while you gather that funny story you want to share with her to show that you have life outside of work! Careful, don't turn it into a CSI episode...
Under "curiosity" , I feel that the points below can easily be integrated to master a conversation-
*try to maintain balance. The best conversations have some element of give and take. We all know the person that rambles on endlessly, without giving anyone else a chance to speak. We quickly tire of listening to an endless monologue. If you're unable to get a word in after several attempts, it's time to move on.
* failing to contribute to a conversation can be just as bad. Make an effort to contribute to the conversation. If you're nervous, try asking a few open-ended questions and focus on your listening skills.
* Some individuals love to talk and are looking for someone that will really listen. Especially nowadays in the social media age, having one on one conversation is rare for some. Give her your ear if you notice that and keep your judgement to when you call your friend on the way home.
6. Be wary of taboo topics. Others rarely change their minds about topics such as politics, religion, and sex. It's easier to find yourself in one of these conversations than you would think. All it takes is one offhand comment about a sensitive issue, and you're off to the bottom of her roster, if you even get on at all. A modern gentleman treats her like the lady she is and these topics should be saved for a later date...again, lets just get you to first base and then eliminate!
Last but certainly not least...
Relax.
Just like your mom/dad/uncle/teacher/someone/anyone should have told you, relax and be yourself.
It can be hard to think of something intelligent and relevant to say if you're nervous. Take a deep breath and let the words come out. Of course I'm not saying you aren't smart or that you are irrelevant..take it as a final dusting of what to keep in your back pocket.
With practice, self awareness, and just honest human interaction, pretending to be anything you aren't will just lead to heartache and trouble down the road. The truth ALWAYS comes out...
As my night draws to a close, and my dirty martini has been freshly poured into my glass in this hotel room, remember this: with every exchange, you have the power to shape your own destiny, be your own architect, and eventually be your ultimate victor.
So go forth my dear reader, and I truly hope that these tips and bits from own experiences offers a guide towards your own dating potential!
xoxo
Till next time,
Bridgette B.
Thank-you enjoyed it very much dear.